Wednesday, 20 April 2011

For a life of fulfilment

Here is some information you do not care about to fulfill your life.

Currently on my ipod:
Zebrahead - Mother Fucking Zebrahead Bitch (album) - Runaway (track)

Currently in my DVD player:
How I Met Your Mother series 1

Currently reading:
Climb magazine
Re reading PsychoVertical

Song stuck in my head:
Finch - Letters to you + What it is to Burn?

Gigs I want to see:
Slam dunk fest SLAM-DUNK-FESTIVAL Leeds-University (anti flag, Less than jake etc)
Sonisphere fest SONISPHERE-FESTIVAL-2011 (Slayer)

Routes I want to Climb:
Charm E3 5c Wimberry
Ricochet Wall E0 5b Shooters

Problems I want to finish off:
Upside down arete V4
Banana fingers font 6A

Random Thoughts:
What should I do tonight
Everything's falling apart
When did I last eat?

Todays plans:
Buy season ticket
House work
Sort out job for Saudi
Ring British Gas
Sort out China job
Get a few outstanding jobs done
Try and get a climbing session in

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

I am a moron

Ok here is my account of the Christmas curry incident.

It started Saturday night I am knackered. I spend most of the night sat on the sofa not talking and feeble off to bed without saying anything quite early on.

I wake up on Sunday morning feeling  crappy. A bit bogged down and quite tired. I have a quick look round the house and find no signs of life so I decided to go for a quick walk down the road to see how the crag is looking. It is in prime condition. Cool dry and grippy.
Excited and in my trainers I go to the base of Christmas curry and see that the route is free so I think what the hell and give it ago. At about half height on the first pitch I think it would be a bad idea to do the route in boots that are pretty loose and a bit muddy.
I back down cleaning the foot holds as I do.

I decide to return to the hut. I grabbed a bowl of cereal. and that thing in my brain happens. That feeling that I need to do this route on my own with no witnesses. I grab my pack shove in my climbing shoes the guide and a bottle of water. Georg appears he says hello and I respond not wanting to say the stupid thing am about to do I run out the hut.

I get to the bottom of the route and read the guide so I know where to head. Pulling on my boots I am calm. I turn my ipod on wanting to distract myself from my brain. I stick on the 25 most played on random. There is nothing but the climb!!!!
I climb the first pitch pretty quickly. Its a chimney pitch with very polished bits of rock. On the last move of the pitch right foot slips I am about to fall but I grab a good hold and manage to hold myself in place. I do the move and get to the top of the pitch.

My head goes into over drive (just go back now) so what if you back down after one pitch no one even knows you are doing it. I turn my music up and try and drown out the voices. The second pitch is harder but more of a stile of climbing I like steepish on good holds. Offspring is now on my ipod.

I top out the second pitch at a nice ledge I get the guide book out to work out where the route goes. I text Ben saying I am on Christmas curry soloing it would make a good photo. I then put my phone away and chuck the guidebook back in my pack. I set off up the third pitch a corner crack to flakes to traverse out left. I hate cracks. I set off my foot slips but manage to hold the slip. My heart is racing. I am feeling like I am about to have a panic attack.

I am in my head again. In my head I scream at myself (I can't have a panic attack now I am high above the ground one stupid mistake I am in hospital sort your self out you pathetic loser. Just fucking sort it out. Just get up there no one will cares).
I focus on the music alkaline trio is on. I keep going and get to the flake its a giant jug. I look for foot holds there aren't any. I look and see some smeary edges I carefully place my left foot on the smear then I weight it pressing hard with my foot. I commit to the smear and match on the flake I bring my right foot round and smear hard then work my way round to swap feet on the smear.

I am about very high above the ground holding onto a flake with my feet on smears. I have a straight drop below me. The exposure is amazing. I want to look down but need to focus on the moves. Keep going. I traverse left and climb to a good ledge. I rest at the end of the pitch and look around and soak up the air. I am free I am happy I am almost there. I look towards Eric's and see some bikers. at the cafe getting breakfast.
I have the crag to myself. I am alone. I am happy. The next pitch looks ok but I can't work out the line. Where do I go? I get the guide book out and it says go up the crack on the right. The lack of polish is a bit unnerving. Am I off route?

I set off on the last pitch I traverse up to the right to the crack. The polish is back. I am on a good but angle foot hold I reach up and get a small but good hold I release a small amount of pressure from my right foot. it instant slips from me. My heart shoots into my mouth. Am I falling? No. I manage to keep hold with my left hand then place my right foot on the next hold. Fight with tools (Flobots) starts playing on my ipod. I manage to get in the crack and race to the top.

Am there! I did it!. I get a huge rush of adrenaline. I am excited I am almost running in joy. I sit down and change to my boots and start walking down. I am alone. I am happy.
Deftones Be quiet and drive comes (far away) on the iPod. I start to sing along as I walk down. I am too excited the adrenaline is great I am in Ecstasy.

As I walk down I am not paying attention to the poor muddy path. I almost slip. I keep walking then I take a fall and slid down the steep track for a few metres grabbing a tree. I get back up and focus on the walk down.

I return to the hut Georg asks me where I went. I tell him. He says am crazy. A sleepy Ben appears from the kitchen, I ask "did you get my text?" he yawns "what text?". He grabs his phone and calls me a nutter.

The morning continues and one person asks me why? I can't answer all I say was I could not sleep. I get a frosty response from another this seems to last all day. H asks if anyone saw this. Alex looks a bit pissed off but say "I would be more bothered if he climbed something hard."

I don't tell anyone about the climb other than the route was awesome. The route was a personal experience and could of been my last. I have no remorse at the time.
As in a previous blog the following day I get a message. that made me think. I know it was stupid but being that close to death and coming through was too much to miss.

And yet this is not even the most stupid thing I have done so far this month.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Froggatt continued

This is a blog to finish the day at froggatt.

I walk round to the base of the crag and convince matthias to lead green gut a 3* classic right next to browns eliminate. He leads this with no real problem. Tom and SaRa follow him up.
Me and nick head to do joes original boulder problem. I manage it after 3/4 tries nick gets it second attempt. We have both done it before. We then work the arete I don't get it but nick manages.
Nick then wonders off to try and find a route to do and I solo a VDiff and a severe both onsight.

Tom Hobbs comes and finds us and I set him on a top end HS. He gets to the crux and tries it repeatedly but he cannot commit and he finishes up the VDiff. Matthias manages to finish up the VS.
Matthias then leads another HS this is his third ever HS lead all on the same day. Well done man thats fantastic.

I join up with nick who is working a font 6b+. I try the move but I cannot reach the hold as the problem is a bit morpho. Nick gets it then tries to work the 6b traverse next it. Greasy and small holds.

Nick decides he wants to repeat Four pebble slab and goes for it after some time he backs off the route as he cannot commit. I then go up and finish the route off for him. It was feeling a bit gritty and dirty.

We decide to call it a day for climbing and head home. On the way we decide to go for a curry. It was the perfect way to end a fantastic days. Cheers guys you made the day.

Its selfish .. I should care

After a bollocking last night from a friend telling to think about what I am doing. It got me thinking.

Climbing is a very personal thing to me. I do not believe in competition climbing as the only competition for me is myself. I like to challenge myself. This often results in unnecessary risk.

Okay I will stop being vague. I went to tremadog for the weekend and on Sunday morning I woke up and could not sleep. I went for a walk along the bottom of the crag and saw it was dry. So I ran back to the hut grabbed my rock shoes and my guide book and ran back. I then soloed Christmas curry (onsight) which is a multi pitch severe. the route has a very exposed feel and a fall could easily be fatal.

I did the route pretty quickly but I did not tell anyone until I was on one of the very top pitch. When I got back I was faced with a few questions when I got back. Mainly why? I did not have an answer.

I then got home and a thread was started on the uni club forum suggesting that my end is nigh!!! Tongue in cheek like but still got me thinking. Then I had a reply to a text I sent to a friend. They had heard about my solo basically gave me a bollocking (I won't say who but I value their opinion). They said pointed out to me something I have never given much thought.
Who would care if it went wrong? I had thought I was the only one effected in the results. But am not. Some one would have to do the awful job of telling my Mum. I would not wish that on anyone.

However will this stop me living by the rules I set myself a while ago (if you can't do something smart, do something stupid).
Probably not. I should care about the risks. I have the bug for getting myself at a point close to death. Maybe its time to step back or change my point of view on things. I do not know.

Maybe I need something in my life I could not bear to lose. I don't have anything at the moment. Yes that is a sad situation to be in.

Sorry for this blog its not normally what I put on here but felt I should write it down.